I was the biggest skeptic here and now I don't know what's real anymore

[redpill_me_softly]

Two years ago I would've laughed you all off this forum. Literally. I found this place through a friend who was into tarot and I thought it was cute but basically astrology-for-white-women level nonsense. I had a psychology degree and I knew how the brain worked. Confirmation bias. Pattern recognition. Apophenia. I could explain away everything.

Then I did ayahuasca in Peru and I'm not going to sit here and tell you it was some magical cure-all because it wasn't. But something shifted in a way I genuinely cannot explain with my old framework.

Here's what haunts me. During one of the sessions I saw The Tower, clear as day. Not like "oh that reminded me of The Tower." I saw it. Lightning strike, crown falling, the whole thing. I didn't even know tarot imagery that well at that point. Two weeks after I got home, my marriage of six years collapsed overnight. No warning. Just... gone.

And look, I know what you're thinking. Confirmation bias right? I'm retroactively fitting the experience to the event. Maybe. Probably, even. But the visceral knowing I felt in that moment — it didn't feel like a prediction. It felt like I was being shown something I'd already chosen on some level I can't access.

I've started actually studying tarot now through a Jungian lens and honestly? The archetypes map onto internal states in a way that feels disturbingly precise. Jung talked about the collective unconscious and synchronicity and I always filed that under "interesting but unprovable." Now I'm not so sure.

I'm not here to convert anyone. Skeptics irritate me more now than believers do, which is ironic given where I was. But I also don't want to swing into full magical thinking where everything is a sign.

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else here went through something similar? That uncomfortable middle space where your old framework broke but you haven't fully landed in a new one yet?

[starstuff_sarah]

"it felt like I was being shown something I'd already chosen on some level I can't access"

I keep coming back to this phrasing because it's the opposite of what happened to me — I saw the Star through my telescope the same night my divorce papers arrived, and it didn't feel like a choice at all, just the universe being brutally, impersonally beautiful regardless of my suffering.

[jen_2847]

"it felt like I was being shown something I'd already chosen on some level I can't access"

My grandmother would've said you weren't being shown a prediction — you were being shown what was already true in you, the same way the cards show us what we already know but won't admit. That's not magical thinking, that's just paying closer attention than most people are willing to.