I met someone who sparked a real connection. I felt it in my gut. But I didn't say anything. I convinced myself I was being "conscious" by waiting for the universe to give me a green light. I wanted a synchronicity. I wanted a sign that it was safe to be vulnerable. Months passed. We drifted. He moved away last week, and now I'm sitting with this heavy knot in my chest.

Looking back, I realize I was using spiritual surrender as a shield. In tarot, this feels like a blocked The High Priestess energy—holding back, keeping secrets, passive waiting. The High Priestess is about intuition, sure, but she's also about acting on that inner knowing. When you block her, you get stagnation. I was stagnant.

From a psych perspective, this is classic avoidance behavior. Jung talked about the Shadow, and I think I was projecting my fear of rejection onto the "universe." I didn't want to own my cowardice, so I dressed it up as mysticism. My brain created a narrative that I was honoring the flow, but really, I was terrified of risking rejection. I treated my feelings like a fragile artifact that needed perfect conditions, instead of a living thing that needed expression.

If you're in that headspace, I highly recommend reading The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. It won't fix the regret, but it helps you stop obeying the voice in your head that's paralyzed you. It teaches you to observe that voice rather than letting it drive the bus.

I hope my mess helps someone else spot the difference between surrender and stalling. I thought I was being wise. Turns out I was just scared. What about you? Have you ever mistaken fear for divine timing?